Back-to-School Routines: Why My System Completely Failed by Day 4

Teeth, Socks, Shoes, Backpack, Repeat

It's day four of school, the bus comes in six minutes, and my carefully planned back-to-school systems have already fallen apart. This episode is about what happened when trying harder wasn't the answer, and the one thing that actually stuck instead of another new planner.

Who Should Listen

• Moms whose back-to-school routines are already falling apart, even after real planning

• Anyone who's bought the new planner, the color-coded pens, or the habit tracker app that died by day four

• Parents who feel like they're failing at their own advice

• Listeners who need to hear that it's okay if the "right" systems just don't work for your family

Chapters / Timestamps

• 00:00 – Intro: Day four, 6:56 AM, and everything's already falling apart

• 02:40 – Why trying wasn't enough

• 04:55 – What I learned

• 05:39 – What I'm doing instead

Me right now with my back to school systems.

What You Get In This Episode

• Why a system can work perfectly over the summer and still collapse by day four of the school year

• The real problem: it's not laziness or lack of effort; it's building routines for a family that doesn't actually exist in your house

• Why the "new planner, new me" trap rarely works, and why that's not a personal failing

• The one small change Caitlin's keeping (four words: teeth, socks, shoes, backpack) and why it's working where everything else didn't

• A reminder that the routine or system that'll actually stick is probably already in your house—it's just not the shiny new one

Host Bio

Caitlin Kindred is the host of Not Quite Grownup, a podcast for moms navigating the gap between who they're "supposed" to be and the messy, real version of adulthood.

Sources & Mentions

• School Morning Rules for Moms Who Hate Mornings by @rosettewilson_ on Threads

• Next episode teaser: the avalanche of back-to-school paperwork and forms

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Read this Episode's Full Transcript

Back-to-School Routines: Why My System Completely Failed by Day 4

Caitlin K.: [00:00:00] Okay, it's day four of school. It's 6:56 AM. Bus comes at 7:02. My son is barefoot, hasn't brushed his teeth yet. He's asking for a hoodie, and it's already 87 degrees outside, but okay, whatever. I'm scrambling for socks. My husband is looking for a hoodie, and I'm feeling both helpless because I can't make this process go any faster, and pissed off because it's day four, we're already back to this for the mornings, and again, I can't make this process go any faster.

[00:00:48] I tried...

Caitlin K.: Welcome back to Not Quite Grown Up. I'm your host, Caitlin, and this is not about day four. This is every flippin' school day. [00:01:00] And what really bothers me about this is that I took my own advice and I freaking planned for this. I didn't skip the planning. We both, my husband and I both checked the emails from school and we worked on him with the homework.

We made sure the homework was back in the backpack. I thought everything was laid out for the day. I made a 4-word getting- ready plan for my son where I just repeat, "Teeth, socks, shoes, backpack," uh, while he's standing there idling around in the morning. And shout out to @rosettewilson_ on Threads for this one.

I'll make sure that you have the link to her amazing threads, uh, about morning rules for non-morning moms in the notes for this episode, so make sure you check that out. I spent a stupid amount of [00:02:00] time in Canva making a make sure you have this for school checklist for the door that I never actually even put on the door.

I do this show as a hobby. No, I don't get paid for it. Yes, I'm still actively looking for sponsors, so if you know anyone, feel free to pass them my contact information. But I have been told that the advice I'm giving here is solid. So it's pretty embarrassing to watch my own systems that I'm recommending to other moms like me fall apart on day freaking four.

[00:02:40] Why trying wasn't enough

Caitlin K.: And I think the easy answer here is, like, "I'm disorganized," which I know. And for ADHD folks, it's like systems can fall apart easily in just a day. I mean, for those of you who have it, think about how many times you've built up a habit. You've done it every day for three months, and then you skip one day, and the [00:03:00] habit never existed, right?

So I, I get that those are simple responses to what's happening here, but I tried. I really did try. So I don't think trying harder is the solution. But I think what actually happened here is that the systems I tried are for a family that doesn't exist in my house, you know? I tried to create different habits for a family that already has habits and immediately settled back into those habits as soon as school started.

And I'm not totally sure where my ideas came from or why I thought they could be adapted to this family. Did I, s- Google searches? I'm sure my search history has something there, Perplexity or Pinterest, or worse, [00:04:00] Instagram. But either way, I fell into that new planner, new me trap. And if you, I guarantee you know what I'm talking about. It's the "this planner is everything I need to completely change my life" trap.

It's the "I got these new pens, they're gonna work so well with my new planner when I co- coordinate everything" trap. It's the "that planner that I purchased that cost me $45 worked for three days, but you stopped using it on day four" trap. That damn planner never works. Neither do the new pens or the new notebook or the new habit tracker app because those things require you to be someone that you aren't in order for them to work.

[00:04:55] What I learned

Caitlin K.: I can't magically turn my whole family [00:05:00] into people we aren't with new habits to calm the chaos.

Did those things that I tried work on practice days? Yeah. Or like over the summer? Sure. When we're trying to get out the door for camp, of course they do. But there weren't enough practice days to make that how we played on game day, if that makes sense. So instead, I have to work within the things that we or I am already programmed to do.

[00:05:39] What I'm doing instead

Caitlin K.: So you know what?

F the new planner mentality. Somewhere people with ADHD are screaming at me like, "What? You can't say things like that. That's blasphemy." But you, you all know I'm right. So F that new planner mentality. F that freaking ready- for- school [00:06:00] checklist.

Honestly, tell me if you want it, I can make it available on the website.

I'm not convinced it would even work for my family anyway. My money is on me pointing to it for three days, I abandon it on day four, and then on Thanksgiving it's still hanging there, and I'm just angry at it, so I rip it off the door.

Forget about the other three things that I tried. Those were stupid. I shouldn't have even bothered.

This week instead, days five through nine if you're keeping track, 'cause we just had day four, right? I'm sticking with the one thing that I think will actually fit what we're already doing at home, and that is that forward plan, right? Teeth, socks, shoes, backpack. Teeth, socks, shoes, backpack. Not because it's anything special, but because it's the one thing that will fit. It, it's not me asking my family to become a different family.

It's not me [00:07:00] asking myself to become a different person. I'm already nagging him to get ready. This is just a way that will make it concrete. I don't have to say anything other than those four words, and I won't get the, "I know" pushback that I get when I try to explain why I'm nagging, right? So if you have a new planner in a drawer somewhere, I bet it's pretty, or a checklist that never made it onto the door, or three new habit trackers that you've downloaded that all died, you know, somewhere between day one and day six. That, that's not a you problem.

So don't own any of the guilt that comes with that. This is a "this was built for a person or a [00:08:00] family that doesn't exist in this space problem." The thing that will stick is probably already in your house. It's just not the shiny new one.

I'll report back on how days five through nine go. But in the meantime, I wanna hear your day four moment. What did you decide to keep versus drop? Send it to me. I might just read a few on the show. Would love to do that for you and for myself.

Next time we're talking about nobody told me about all the forms. We're talking about the avalanche of school administrativia, that's a big word, that falls on one particular person's plate. Bet you can guess [00:09:00] who. Uh, looking forward to that one. Love you, mean it. See you next time.